Laughing Away the Looming Inflation Blues

Are you on course to add as much to the federal debt in one term as all 43 past presidents combined? Do you think that spending is an enlightened form of investment? Do you believe you were elected to spread the wealth around even if you have to destroy much of it to do so? Do you secretly dream about making chumps out of the Chinese because they are foolish enough to keep lending us money so we can buy their stuff? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Have you made decades' worth of entitlement promises you can't possibly keep? Do you enjoy spending other people's money but are afraid to propose new taxes because voters might throw you out office? Are you desperately trying to bail out a bunch of campaign contributors who are deep in debt but don't want to get caught doing it? Have you always been able to take any problem and push it off past the next election? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Did you have a fancy degree in economics and owe your livelihood to the government? Is it a joy to invent new statistics when the old ones start giving you answers you don't like? Are you convinced that most people are so stupid they can be fooled with recycled fairy tales about droughts and greed? Do you adore uttering opaque inanities on TV while fawning pundits tell you how smart you are? Do you believe you know how to allocate capital better than the people who earned it? Are you convinced you can magically create jobs by printing green pieces of paper? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Do you manage a Government Sponsored Entity that has guaranteed trillions of dollars of upside down mortgages? Have you destroyed $134 billion in taxpayer dollars so far with no accountability? Do you owe so many favors to your protectors in Congress that you'll do whatever it takes to pretend that you are solvent? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Have you been running a public employees union so long you've forgotten about the workers who put you there? Do you realize that unless labor and pension costs come down the cities and states that employ your members will go bankrupt? Are you afraid you'll lose your cushy job if you don't fight pay and benefit cuts anyway? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Do you run a big hedge fund that can build a casino on top of any economic transaction, playing both sides of any bet? Will you make out like a bandit if large packs of fools follow the common wisdom over a cliff? Do you get rewarded with carried interest on capital gains calculated in nominal dollars? Were you smart enough to move into gold five years ago? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Did you get a job as a journalist because you failed math? Are you willing to deny the evidence before your own eyes if it doesn't fit your entrenched political beliefs? Do you despise anyone who doesn't believe in the primacy of need over greed? Are you adamant that taxes are too low and that people with money aren't paying their fair share? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Are you saddled with a huge fixed rate mortgage and credit card debts up the wazoo? Have you been living beyond your means for so long that doing otherwise is unthinkable? Is it your habit to blame other people for your misfortunes? Do you secretly want to take sanctimonious friends who have prudently saved their whole lives down a notch? Then what's not to like about inflation?

Are you too young to remember a President named Jimmy or a Fed chairman named Arthur? Did you skip history class the day they covered the Weimar Republic? Have your teachers convinced you that the business cycle is caused by greedy businesses? Do you think grandpa is pulling your leg when he tells you what things used to cost? Do you have a college degree in a worthless field paid for with piles of unpaid loans that you wish could magically melt away? Then what's not to like about inflation?

The fuse is lit and it's just a matter of time before you're all going to get what you asked for. Good and hard.