It's Time For All Binswangers to 'Buy Binswanger'

Dear Fellow Binswangers,

As proud as I am of the great achievements of our family—which spare me the need to accomplish anything myself—I have to acknowledge that, recently, Binswangers have fallen on hard times. Binswangerian greatness is more a memory than a live reality. But it’s not our fault. We are being taken advantage of, preyed upon, victimized.

I am referring to the ruinous trade deals that have favored other families over ours. And worse: many of you are sabotaging the family by shipping Binswanger jobs out of family.

I have visited with Binswangers who are located within my house and Binswangers in other homes across this great land. And what I found was appalling. I was stunned to learn the extent to which they hire non-Binswanger labor and buy non-Binswanger goods.

Let's not try to put a good face on this ugly situation. Let’s not fall for that empty rhetoric about some "division of labor." Don't listen when some non-Binswanger tries to tell you that outsourcing means you don't have to cut your own hair, clean your own home, raise your own farm animals, sew your own clothes, cobble your own shoes, and fabricate your own microchips. It's no time to be trotting out theories when our people are in trouble.

There are Binswangers going to bed hungry! And it's not only because they are dieting. Naturally, dieting plays a role, but there are other factors at work in this complex situation. Sometimes it's a spiritual hunger, but that's no less real.

It pains me to say this, and I don’t know how to sugar-coat this injustice, so let me be blunt: there are things that Binswangers want but don't have. We lack access to goods and services that we need to have rich, fulfilling lives. Our media don't want us to know that, but I'm writing to wake us up.

Let me speak of my own case. I'm just one tiny cell on the body of the great Binswanger organism, but my story is every Binswanger's story.

I don't have access to a house adequate to my needs. To maintain good health, I need a tennis court, a lap-pool (heated), and 100 acres of grounds so beautiful that I'll be motivated to take daily walks through them. I don't have access to adequate transportation (a Ferrari, a Harley-Davidson, a private jet--and not one of those cramped ones, either). I don't have access to the services of many providers who have priced themselves out of my market.

My situation is hardly unique. All Binswangers are facing the same lack of access to the wealth of others. These barriers to access have to be removed.

Let's face facts: there are families out there who have more stuff than we do. This inequality is unfair. The government should do something. It must do something.

My wife keeps saying that there are also families out there with less stuff than we have. I suppose that's true, but I don't see its relevance when the pressing fact is that there are families richer than us.

We are not asking for handouts. We Binswangers are going to grow our way past those other families. All of them. How? By concentrating all our buying power within the family. It's conceded by everyone that consumer demand is the source of prosperity, so let "Buy Binswanger" be our motto.

To get the ball rolling, I'm proposing that any Binswanger who hires a non-Binswanger be subject to a 35% tax on the transaction. That will make Binswangers think twice about shipping jobs out of family. Also, buying from foreign families is disloyal. It's financial treason to the family.

I have no problem, however, with selling to people from other families. Let that be our expanded motto: Sell to them, buy only from each other. I see no problem with that. It means that when we sell "abroad," our final reward is the best of what other Binswangers can produce—can produce without hiring non-Binswanger employees, without non-Binswanger tools, machinery, factories, buildings, land, and raw materials.

It also means an end to education of Binswangers by non-Binswangers, and an end to medical treatment of Binswangers by non-Binswangers.

As I said, this is the road to full employment, growth, and greatness. It will give us access to the world's wealth. It's just that we have to forgo obtaining that wealth by trade. We can't purchase those Ferraris or pay for those houses.

We won't buy non-Binswanger. So, we have to get access to the Ferraris, etc., by some other means other than by buying them. How? By tougher negotiation. We just need to make them an offer they can't refuse.

Access to the wealth presently held by others is our right as Binswangers. And, for sure, to enforce our rights to access this wealth, we will hire only Binswanger muscle.

I leave you with this summary: Buy Binswanger, fleece non-Binswangers.

That's the only sane and just path to making the Binswanger family great again.