Give Larry Ellison an NFL Team Already

One of the weirdest things about Larry Ellison is that he doesn’t own a professional sports team. According to the Bloomberg Billionaire’s Index—aka the Self-Esteem Big Board—Ellison has more than $38 billion and ranks among the world’s 10 wealthiest people. And yet, try and try and try as he might, Ellison just can’t get a major sports franchise. What’s a filthy rich dude to do?