A friend of mine, a big muckety muck CEO of a national company with $14 billion in sales suggested that I write a positive article about “good things” going on in the US and quit bashing the Left. I would list “Mr. Big’s” name, but I am afraid being associated with a flame throwing reactionary such as myself would make his company’s stock plummet. I don’t want people picketing in front of his house and scaring his family, so he will remain anonymous.
I promise to be completely unbiased and apolitical; no snarky comments! In the words of Joe Isuzu, you can trust me! So here are a few of the many things I love about America.
Baseball. Is there any greater joy in life than throwing the baseball with your son? How about going to a game, sitting down the 3rd base line, and by the end of the first inning, everyone within 100 feet of you is your best friend? Ah, the crack of the ball off a wooden bat, the smell of fresh cut infield grass and the beer concessionaire harking his wares yelling “ice cold chilly beer!” There is nothing more American than baseball! Instead of mandating vaccines, the government should mandate that every kid play baseball. If it did, we wouldn’t have so many snot nose punks running around. I went to graduate school in England for a spell. I have a great amount of respect for the Limeys, but it is clear to me why they lost their empire. They can’t throw a ball, it’s a country full of noodle arms. So sad, but I guess that’s what happens when you have a country of hooligans going all orgasmic over a Euro-socialist sport like soccer. They have no one who can throw a hand grenade into a German pillbox. Boris needs to fix this as opposed to being such a candy ass and asking everyone in the UK to hide under their beds for fear of catching the virus.
Big Cars. America is a big country, and we should all be driving big cars. General Patton didn’t roll into El Guettar in a convoy of Chevy Volts. We are the biggest, baddest country in the world, and it’s only fitting that we drive huge hunks of metal, and not these little weenie cars that people drive in little weenie countries.
Race Relations. Despite the Left’s execution of the Saul Alinsky playbook in its efforts to cause a race war, I like the warm civility that exists between black and white folks in my native Virginia. Many times I am introduced to a new black friend and I recognize the surname, and I say you must be related to so and so, or I bet your people come from such and such county? We have inter-generational bonds. We greet each other, we smile, we say yes Sir and no M’am, we laugh and get along. There’s a sense of southern good manners and hospitality that I appreciate. It would be a whole lot better if antifa and BLM weren’t trying its best to make people hate each other.
Bourbon. I love the smell of bourbon, which is a uniquely American libation. I keep a stash of Maker’s Mark on hand, and every now and then I pull the cork out and just take in the aroma and a bouquet of happy memories flood my mind. The Scots have their whiskey and the French have their Beaujolais, but here in 'Merica, we have bourbon and that’s why we put a man on the moon in 1969. (If you can’t follow this logic then I can’t help you. Perhaps you should move to Canada with all the other draft dodgers).
Beaches. Seeing topless German and Swedish women along the Cote d’Azur in Nice is right much fun, but then it is quickly ruined by the nearby scrawny looking French men smoking clove cigarettes wearing their speedos. Is there anything more beautiful or relaxing than the California coastline? I think not.
Guns. Who doesn’t love the smell of gunpowder? I love the fact that we have a 2nd Amendment, ensuring our rights to protect ourselves from enemies, foreign and domestic. Besides, there’s nothing sexier than a hot looking babe who knows how to handle a firearm, unless of course she is pointing it at you. My friend Screaming Weasel had his wife pull a gun on him once. I had gotten him home about 10 hours late, and she opened up the front door, locked and loaded. A good friend would have stayed around to defuse the situation, but I got the hell out of there.
Singing the Doxology. I must admit, a lot of times I don’t want to go to Church. However, I don’t want to get struck by lightning or have a swarm of locusts descend on my yard, so I go. Afterwards, I never regret going and whenever we sing the Doxology, I feel the Holy Spirit within me and goodness all around me. When there are hundreds of people likely having the same experience in tens of thousands of churches around the country, there is something Norman Rockwell good about America, emblematic of her greatness. I feel part of a great and powerful nation. (No doubt the Episcopal church will soon declare the Doxology racist and replace it with the Internationale).
Barbeque Joints. I once spent a month in France. There are no roadside barbeque joints with saw dust floors and juke boxes blasting Merle Haggard songs. I don’t know why the French are so highly regarded for their epicurean skills when it is impossible to get a slice of smoked pig and a side of hush puppies in a country of 210,000 square miles.
Maine in the Summer Time. There’s no better sleeping weather than to be in a hammock on a porch of an old frame house overlooking the ocean in Camden, Maine in July.
College Football. I’ve been to Wimbledon, the Tour de France and the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo. I have even been to a world cup match in Rio. Snore…. There’s nothing like going to the Grove at Old Miss or the “Big House” at Ann Arbor. College football rocks.
Hillbilly, Soul and the Blues. I love authentic American music. It can’t be simulated anywhere else.
The Free Market. Tens of millions of people are working 24/7 to bring better goods and services to you because they want your business. You don’t need to pay them for trying to make your life better, nor do the taxes you pay go to them for helping you. It’s a sweet deal.
Get “Er Done” Attitude. In most countries people just accept their status, and accept that if things are broken, there is no hope in making things better. Not in the USA, everyone expects progress and knows that everyday things get better. How many times have you heard someone say in another year “they” will invent this new item, this technology, this medical breakthrough. The spirit of enterprise fills each morning with hope and opportunity. In America, you can dream big. Every day I can’t wait to pop out of bed and chase dreams. In the annals of world history, there has never been a society with so much promise. I just wish more people would appreciate it.
There, I’m proud of myself, I wrote a whole article and didn’t use the word Democrat, Communist, Evil, Pinko, Cheater or Liar once in the entire piece.