How many Virginians does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to talk about how the old bulb was better. Nothing is revered more in Virginia than the past. If you move here, the first thing you likely will notice is no one calls a commercial entity by its current name. Several iterations of name changes may have occurred over the last 150 years, but folks will always call the business, bank, restaurant, theatre, etc. by its original name.
In this light, I introduce the law firm of Hunton and Williams. Now, after a few mergers, some, not me, refer to it by its new name, Hunton, Andrews and Kurth. Growing up, Hunton and Williams was the largest law firm in the South, and I knew a number of the old bulls there who were friends of my father’s. I was always impressed with their lawyers, and as a business man, I always marveled at how Hunton and Williams could grow and expand, but still keep its unique corporate culture. Hunton hires very competent lawyers, but is also really good at recognizing human elements in their lawyers, quality and impressive people with good values and ethical standards. This is not an easy thing to do, but they have done it. Hunton recently helped me with some legal work I needed in New York City and did an excellent job. Good people.
Julianne Michelle Reeves Stroh is a friend of mine who lives in Manhattan. I can’t say enough good things about “JM.” She’s very nice and pretty, but she’s also a dynamo. An actress, a writer, an artist, heck she even has a Master’s in Social Work from Columbia. Julianne had a bad experience with the New York Family Court system. Did Julianne mope and whine about her experience with New York’s judicial system. Nope. She formed Mommy’s Heart, a non-profit dedicated to helping women (and sometimes men) in child custody cases.
Good people who do good things deserve “shout outs.” Hunton deserves shout outs and Mommy’s Heart deserves shout outs, and I was fortunate enough to recently introduce the two groups to one another. Hunton graciously agreed to get involved with Mommy’s Heart, and I am hoping Dear Reader that you will too.
I hate to admit that I am a licensed lawyer as I do not want to be associated with many of the legal profession practices I have witnessed over the years. For most of my adult life, I have put together business deals, managed companies and advised clients on wealth creation and finance related issues. In my world, one gathers all the facts in exacting detail and reaches conclusions that are reasoned, logical and defensible. If one is off by a mere penny, it is embarrassing. The Court system does not work this way. I am always up for a challenge ( sometimes foolishly). After I sold one of my businesses 15 years ago, I started to dip my toe in the water and litigate a few cases for folks who needed help. I had never done any trial work. What was surprising to me, indeed shocking was just how inefficient the Court system is. These were big cases involving many millions of dollars, and I was taken aback at how “not very bright” judges were. Many were lazy, some arrogant and most didn’t seem to care that people’s lives had been disrupted by serious wrongs that needed to be addressed in a timely manner. Judges and lawyers often have a vested interest in keeping the system as it is because it serves their needs, the hell with the litigants. My world had always centered on finding the most efficient way to solve a problem. Litigation is the absolute most inefficient way to solve any problem, and the Court system is riddled with arcane roadblocks that squash any methods to find sensible solutions to solve controversies.
Nowhere are these problems more prevalent than in domestic relations cases. I’ve always thought that lawyers have an ethical duty to process divorce cases in such a way that the litigants won’t hate each other for the rest of their lives. But many lawyers do the exact opposite. How in the world does it serve the children of divorce to have both parents hate each other? Most divorce cases can be resolved with almost mathematical precision, the outcome if litigated will almost surely be X, so why not come to an agreement immediately on X or something very close to X? But unscrupulous lawyers, and there are a lot of them, have no incentive to do the right thing. They rip families apart and cause great damage to children. Emotions run high in divorce proceedings and many divorce lawyers take advantage of their client’s emotions to lash out at the other side to run up fees for themselves. It disgusts me.
Back to Julianne and Mommy’s Heart. Not only do Family Courts allow lawyers to tear families apart, but unlike the business world where we make decisions based on 100% of the facts, these Courts whimsically issue decisions based on about 3% of the issues relevant to the case. Some of the “facts” introduced into these Courts are histrionic allegations of delusion based on one side’s hatred of the other.
There is no bigger pain in life than to be separated from one’s children. Often family courts, after hearing 15 minutes of evidence, will make a life-changing decision (based on emotionally charged allegations and not facts) ripping a child from a parent. Once a decision is made, the parent’s only recourse is an appeal. The monetary and emotional costs almost always are too much, and the child grows up without the presence and much needed recognizable love and support of a parent. Children need both parents. Dear Reader, can you think of anything worse than a woman, who carries a child for 9 months and then wrongfully has the child taken away from her due to the unfairness of the judicial system? This happens and it is not uncommon.
Men generally have more money than women and they often have many more contacts with lawyers and experience with the legal system. I fancy myself to be an astute judge of human nature. Like most men, I don’t understand women’s wiring, and I am frankly afraid of their roller coaster emotions, but I also acknowledge that men can be absolute brutal aXXholes. I have always believed men should be deferential towards women, but sadly in today’s culture the gentlemanly arts are disappearing. Many men feel the need to suppress women and keep them under their thumbs. I remember exactly where I was when I was 5 years old and my dad told me that the most heinous act a man could ever do was to hit a woman, but many men do hit women. They hit and physically abuse the mother of their children. These women are afraid to report them for fear of reprisals, but also for fear of what will happen to their families if the bread winner goes to jail. The repulsive men who do these things to women are exactly the type who will do anything to deprive mothers of custodial rights to see their children. In my mind, nothing is more despicable, and this is why Julianne formed Mommy’s Heart.
What does Mommy’s Heart do? It connects disadvantaged and abused women embroiled in child custody matters with lawyers. You’d be surprised how many times the father is represented by an expensive slick lawyer, chummy with the judge and the mother goes into Family Court with no lawyer. Julianne is doing a masterful job at public awareness of this phenomenon. She’s recruited big names and celebrities to take up the banner and speak up against the abuses inherent in the Family Court system. She is actively working on legislative matters in several states to address these problems. Mommy’s Heart is training interns and law students on best practices to help bring fairness to custody issues. Julianne is actively fundraising to bring more resources to the cause and talking to law firms about doing pro bono work to help mothers be with their children. A lot is happening. Too much to report here. I encourage you to go to the website to learn more.
If you are like me, I feel that much of the adhesive fabric that has kept our society bound to foundational/conventional values is fraying. Nothing pulls on the heart strings more than to see a mother lose custody of her children due to flat out unfairness. Children need both parents for a healthy and vibrant existence.
I encourage you to do what Hunton did and get involved. I know many lawyers across the country read this column. Mommy’s Heart would be an excellent pro-bono cause for you. Other lawyers could help with legislation in their states to prevent unfair outcomes that deprive children of their parents. If you have read my columns, you know I hate big government and government waste. Slash government spending! If just a fraction of these resources were devoted to making Family Courts more efficient and responsible, a lot of children would benefit. Your law firm could be an advocate in your state and help write legislation that improves the system. This is not a Democrat or Republican issue. Everyone knows the system sucks. It’s not a Men v. Women issue. No self-respecting man wants to “win” by taking advantage of a woman. No decent man wants to deprive their child of a mother’s love. So whether you are a big muckety-muck CEO, managing partner of a law firm or just a good guy who wants to help, I encourage you to CONTACT Mommy’s Heart.
