January 9, 2024
Mr. Alan Garber
Interim President of the Harvard Corporation
Members/Fellows of the Harvard Corporation
c/o Office of the PresidentHarvard UniversityMassachusetts HallCambridge, MA 02138 USA
Dear Mr. Garber and Board Members:
With great enthusiasm, I recommend that the Harvard Corporation elect James E. Ryan as its new president. I can think of no other candidate who so perfectly matches the values of Harvard University.
As an acute observer of Harvard, it is evident that Harvard’s primary mission is to eliminate all academic rigor and honesty in favor of indoctrinating its students with DEI-Marxist ideology. This is done of course to create hate filled revolutionaries who can then go out in the world and shout nonsensical slogans at thinking people not accustomed to political violence. The hope of course is that those who are opposed to this new “religion” will be intimidated and afraid to voice their opinions. Thus, the revolutionaries can then proceed to destroy “Western” institutions that have been the bedrock of innovation, enlightenment and good order for centuries. Once civilized society is burned to the ground and destroyed, the goals of the revolution can be fulfilled. Well, my golly, you couldn’t ask for a better foot soldier than Jim Ryan, the current president of the University of Virginia.
Jim is a true apostle of Harvard’s values. Indeed, one can compare him to St. Paulinus, a missionary from Rome sent to England to convert the pagans. I am a Virginian and a multi-generational alumnus of the University of Virginia. There’s so much we didn’t know until St. Jim arrived in Charlottesville to convert all of us Southern rubes and hayseeds to the new DEI religion. After 5 short years, we now are devotees of a new catechism. Here are a few tenets of our new DEI inspired religion:
Prior to St. Jim’s arrival, we Virginia pagans revered neolithic notions of personal character and thought these to be the primary function of education; stone age concepts such as virtue, honesty and honor. Indeed, our tribal leaders formed councils, like Virginia’s Honor System to instill these outdated notions in our youth. St. Jim immediately dismantled the oldest student run honor system in America, instructing us that personal honor was racist. Apparently only colonizers can have honor. Moreover, such a mindset runs counter to the very noble goal of distorting and destroying history to create a Marxist utopia. I mean, good God, if students are expected to be honest, they might challenge the monolithic instruction of the new woke religion of hatred, intolerance and division! Critical thinking, the philosophical enemy of the new religion might germinate on Grounds! St. Jim taught us that these philistine concepts, truth and honor, would prevent disciples of DEI from engaging in plagiarism! Why if professors had to actually engage in honest scholarship, they would not have time to organize anti-Israel protests on campus! We were so backwards before St. Jim’s arrival!
St. Jim knows all the inner workings of the new religion and how to make it prosper. He has drastically lowered the academic standards at Virginia by admitting hordes of insipid dunces based on the precepts of DEI. Those of us who adhered to the outdated old religion of academic excellence and personal responsibility are now fraught with guilt, tearing our cloaks and prostrating ourselves before the alter of all the “torn down” statues in Charlottesville. St. Jim taught us that the reason some people are dumber than a ham sandwich is because they have been oppressed by white men. St. Jim instructed us that low academic standards are good because it is easier to convert lumpkins to revolutionaries than it is smart people with critical thinking skills. One of St. Jims’s favorite sayings: “the dumber the better!”
During my time at the University of Virginia, I was exposed to another Neanderthal concept. It was taught; indeed it was drilled into us that the highest aspiration for any man was to be a gentleman. Then St. Jim taught us that while there are 213 different genders; there was no such thing as the “gentlemen” gender. Why, we were so clueless, we didn’t even know that a man could choose to be a woman, and didn’t even need to have his penis cut off to be one! We suffered under “Flat Earth” notions of science, we didn’t know that men could menstruate or get pregnant. St. Jim really brought us out of the Dark Ages.
We were so mixed up! We had our false idols, one of which was “science.” We defined it as a system of free inquiry, but St. Jim told us that “science” was whatever the bishopry of the new religion declared it to be. Why who are we to challenge the divine word of the Cherubim and Seraphim of the holy DEI order? What hubris! We all deserve to be punished to hard labor in Sevvostlag!
Oh, how confused many of us were! Using our “Flat Earth” notions of science, we initially told St. Jim that Covid vaccines would likely cause severe health problems, even death in the student body, and that Covid imposed zero risks due to the students’ young ages. But St. Jim reminded us that the goal of the new religion was control, preserving the health of “useful idiots” was not his concern. We were so foolish, back when we were practicing our paganism, we even argued that there should be a religious exemption so students could opt out of the mandatory vaccine. Then St. Jim reminded us that the president of Harvard’s Divinity School’s Chaplain organization is a confirmed and proud atheist. As Harvard is the “Vatican” of the new religion, our old God was obsolete and dead. Jim said the new religion disallowed the old, and we were to worship the man-gods of DEI like the Romans worshipped Jupiter, or as Jim stated Karens worshipped Anthony Fauci.
St. Jim taught us that the greatest tenet of the new religion is evangelism through violence. For example, St. Jim allows terrorist groups to funnel money into violent “Palestinian” student organizations that advocate the elimination of all Jews. St. Jim instructed us that Jews were bad because they are generally accomplished and smart. Obviously other groups under the DEI rainbow that are dumb, ignorant and prone to crime are that way because of the Jews, so it’s ok for the lumpkin to beat the Jews up and intimidate them.
St. Jim also taught us the Slithering Snake Lying Lawyer Rule. Jim went to law school where he was trained to use clever and misleading semantics to talk out of both sides of his mouth. He’s brilliant! He uses pretty platitudes to feign his support for free speech, but then uses the full power of his office to squash the free speech of the old religion. Recently at Virginia, a medical student was forced to attend a DEI sermon on “micro-aggressions” taught by a DEI high priestess. Of course, it is verboten at Jim’s university to ask a question that might make a DEI oracle look stupid, so when the budding doctor did so, St. Jim had him kicked out of the University. St. Jim really knows how to spread the new religion. He invites many adherents of the new religion to the University to speak and pays them enormous sums of money. He’s really clever. Proponents of the old ways who worship honesty and academic excellence do not receive as much as one shekel from St. Jim. Old fossil alumni pay all of these expenses. Proving what a great practitioner he is of the Slithering Snake Lying Lawyer Rule, Jim contacts the newspapers on the day the old fossils’ speaker appears on Grounds and says “see, we are all for free speech!” While St. Jim doesn’t engage in personal violence himself, he then allows his transgender shock troops to yell obscenities and death threats at the fossils’ speakers. He's very clever.
If you are unsure about St. Jim’s adherence to the new DEI religion, I invite you to take the student tour. The University of Virginia is the only UNESCO world heritage university in the United States. It was founded by that black hearted villain Thomas Jefferson, perhaps the millennium’s most evil humanoid as he was the world’s greatest proponent of free speech. The student docents spend most of the tour trashing Jefferson, as well they should, since free speech is the enemy of the new religion.
Jefferson not only founded the University, he was its architect. Unfortunately, there are scholars that seem to think Western Civilization should survive and not be destroyed. The Palladian architecture of the University is clearly a monument to an oppressive Euro-centric world view. It screams racism and makes those who do not come from a heritage of sleeping indoors uncomfortable. I am sure St. Jim has designs to burn these historic structures to the ground. Hopefully, the entire campus can be replaced with some attractive Soviet style skyscrapers.
Speaking of burning down colleges, I noticed when I was surfing the web to get y’all’s addresses, that Harvard publishes much literature on how it was the first college and has the oldest corporate charter in the United States. Harvard also boasts that it is the birthplace of DEI. I hate to bring up “truth” as it is a colonizer concept, but the first college and first corporate charter was Henricus College in Virginia. It was formed in 1619 with a mission, among other things, to educate the Powhatan Indians, teach them literacy and introduce them to Christianity. The absolute gall of these English colonists makes me want to run to a university safe space and hold a little kitten! Damn crackers! The college thrived and so did the town around it. In order to show their gratitude for the gifts of civilization, the noble and august Indians, oops….excuse me Native Americans, orchestrated a surprise attack and murdered all the savage and selfish Europeans taking advantage of them of them by giving them a free education. Men, women and children were brutally massacred, and the college was burned. It seems to me that this was the first appearance of DEI in the nation, so I don’t think Harvard should claim to be the genesis of the new DEI religion. Clearly, this is cultural appropriation!
To prove St. Jim’s bonafides for Harvard, the unofficial motto of the University is extracted from a letter Jefferson wrote to Williams Roscoe where he asserts “…here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” It is rumored that St. Jim wants to make the official motto:
War Is Peace
Freedom Is Slavery
Ignorance Is Strength
-George Orwell, 1984
As there’s no such thing as plagiarism anymore, St. Jim should get the attribution for this new psalm of the new religion.
Please hire St. Jim as your new president.
Pretty please!
With sugar on top!!!
Please, please, please!!!
Very Truly Yours,
Robert C. Smith
Cc:
Timothy R. Barakett
Kenneth I. Chenault
Mariano-Florentino (Tine) Cuellar
Paul J. Finnegan
Biddy Martin
Karen Gordon Mills
Fiana L. Nelson
Penny Pritzker
Tracy Pun Palandjian
Shirley M. Tilghman
Theodore V. Wells, Jr.
